Living Together in (gasp) Sin

May 5 2007

Question:

My boyfriend and I are living together right now.  My parents are upset about this, but personally I don’t see anything wrong with it. I know people in your generation might look down on things like this, but times change and no one thinks anything about it now. What do you think?

Billy Graham’s Answer:

The real question isn’t how you parents see this, or how your friends see it, or even how you see it. The real question is this: How does God see it? I’m sure if we were talking, you’d probably tell me you don’t really care what God thinks – but shouldn’t that be your real concern?  God made you, and someday you must stand before Him and give an account of your life. One reason He gave marriage to us was to safeguard us from the dangers and unhappiness of this kind of relationship.  You may feel happy right now, but one thing will always be missing – commitment. Without a firm commitment to each other, your relationship will always be insecure and unstable.  My prayer is that you will turn from your sins and open your heart to Jesus Christ.

Jen’s Response:

I don’t believe in sin, but I do agree with Graham here, but for more secular reasons.  My feeling is this.  If you aren’t committed enough to get married, then you aren’t committed enough to be living together.  It is hard enough to break up with someone without also having to deal with housing, moving, etc etc.  In addition, you have to deal with the fact that when you live with someone the hole that is left in the household is even bigger.  Why do that to yourself.

I had a girlfriend who let a really jerky guy move in with her and it was horrible.  My husband and I could not understand why she allowed herself to be used that way.  The writer is using the “no one thinks that way” anymore as an excuse.  People still do think that way.  My sister was the one who told me that I really shouldn’t ever live with a guy I wasn’t married to and she was right.  I am only 40 and never made that mistake.  The reality is that smart people don’t live with lovers unless they are committed enough to that person to be married.  My husband felt the same way I did about this and we actually did live together for 2 weeks before we were married and did so only for practical reasons related to the fact we got married in Alaska.  But we both felt very funny about being in the same house before we had officially tied the knot.  And, I must emphasize here: I am not a prude.

I am also not a judgmental person, so if she really wants to live with this guy without being married, that is her business.  It may work out well, but the odds really are against her.  The real issue is that if she was confident about her decision, she wouldn’t have written to Graham asking for his advice.  She had to have known that he was going to say it isn’t a good idea and she should reconsider this, and he is right.  Perhaps she just needed to hear someone other then her parents give her the same advice.  Hopefully she paid attention.