Raising Kids Without Religion

July 13 2007

Question:
We don't believe our children should have religion crammed down their throats, but should be free to make up their own minds about it when they get older. But some of our relatives say we ought to give them religious instruction now. Are they right?

Billy Graham’s answer:
Let me ask you a question: Do you do this with other areas of your children\'s lives? Do you, for example, let them make up their own minds about whether it\'s a good idea for them to go out and play in a busy street, or swallow pills from your medicine cabinet, or play with some open cans of paint? I seriously doubt it. Why, then, should you neglect the most important relationship they can ever have -- which is their relationship with God? God created them, and He put them here for a purpose. More than that, He loves them, and He wants them to love Him in return. He loves them so much that He wants them to spend eternity with Him in heaven. Can you think of anything more important? That is why Jesus rebuked His disciples when some of them tried to keep children away from Him: "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these" (Mark 10:14). These words are for you as well. I can\'t help but wonder, however, if the real issue here is your own attitude toward God. Is He important to you -- or is He only an occasional thought? Don\'t neglect your own soul, but turn to Christ and open your heart to Him. Then ask Him to help you teach your children about His love and the plan He has for their lives.

Jen’s response:
I personally think the religious indoctrination of children is a form of child abuse.  Yes, those of you who have been reading my essays know that I am not anti-religious, but I do feel strongly that religion is a personal matter and that children are individuals and should be given the right to decide for themselves what they believe or don’t believe.  My parents gave me that respect and I turned out just fine.  They did not ignore my moral education at all.  In fact, they were quite clear about the importance of being a moral person, being responsible for the decisions I make etc etc etc.  But that moral education is and probably should be separate from religious education.  That way, if and when people do come to faith, they do so with a strong moral compass so that they are not driven off course by immoral individuals peddling religion, and lets us not pretend that all religious individuals are free from sin (and yes, we are talking about you Catholic Church). 
There is a common misconception that religion is necessary for morality, but nothing could be further from the truth.  Just look at how widely varied the morality of different Christians is.  If their morality came from their religion, then they would all have the same moral values – which they clearly do not. 

I am the proud mother of a young boy.  I have no intention of indoctrinating him in any religion. His beliefs are for him to decide.  By the same token, I have no intention of shielding him from religion, he will be exposed to it and if he is interested, and perhaps even if he is not, I hope to make sure he gets a decent education about the religious variety available in our community.  I feel this is extremely important to teach not only religious tolerance, but also, if and when he decides to pursue spiritual matters, he will have a basis for that exploration and won’t just grab onto the first thing that comes along.  That is how people join cults and you all know how I feel about those.

I think it is immoral to force a child to think any particular way and that the best way to ensure they grow into happy, caring ethical adults is to treat them ethically, and that means respecting their right to their own mind.  Graham is wrong.