My husband is in jail, should I leave him?

Dec 17, 2004

Question:

My husband has just been sentenced to prison for several years, and this has been the hardest time of our lives.  My friends say I ought to forget him and get on with my life, but I still love him, and he says he still loves me.  What would you advice me to do? – Mrs. A McM

Billy Graham’s lame and dangerous answer:

I strongly urge you not only to maintain your marriage, but also to make it grow even stronger during this difficult time.  … One reason is because God gave your marriage to you and you both made a vow to Him that you would be faithful to each other no matter what happened. … Pray for your husband, and make Christ the center of your life as well.

Jen’s answer:

That depends.  Why is your husband in jail?  Was it a petty crime or was he violent with you or your children?  What was your relationship like before he went to jail?  If it was loving and good and his crime didn’t involve a betrayal of your trust, then my advice might be to stick it out. Definitely stick it out if he was framed, or if he was put in jail for the non-violent expression of his human rights.   If however, he is in jail for causing you or your family harm, then you should use this time to heal and move away from your feelings for him.  This is not something that he can or will change.  If he committed a lesser crime, there is still a problem with him.  It is not your job to fix him, but you do have to ask whether you want to continue to live with the suffering his actions cause you, and yes, going to jail for committing a crime is causing you to suffer, by your own admission.

The good news is that you are now in a position to make a choice about what kind of future you are going to have.  The bad news is that this decision is a hard one.  Unfortunately, the only person who can make this decision for you is you.  If you do decide to move on, know that while it is hard in the short term, you are actually giving yourself a second chance at happiness, and speaking from personal experience, I can tell you that it is a chance worth taking.  The fact that your friends are telling you to move on should be a clue.  Find out why exactly they think this relationship is bad for you and take their comments seriously.  What do your family members have to say?  Love can be a wonderful thing, but when it keeps you tied to someone who is causing you pain, you are much better putting your trust and love elsewhere.