Comforting People Who Lack Faith

2/7/09

Today in my local paper, a McClatchy Newspaper, in their Faith and Accent section they had a column where they asked two different faith leaders questions about various religious issues.  Todays question was about how to comfort a grieving person who lacks faith.  The answers came from pastors of a Catholic Church and a Unity Church. They should have asked a Humanist Celebrant what we who lack faith need while grieving. Certainly, someone who lacks faith is knowledgeable about this subject then someone who believes.

The reason this compelled me to write is while the Catholic response was quite nice and compassionate, the Unity pastor was so off base it actually brought up painful memories of the offensive things we were told by well meaning people of faith after we lost our daughter.  I understand that these people were trying to provide comfort but the things that comforts a religious person often just annoy a religious person and sometimes can be quite offensive. 

For the record, we who lack faith aren’t at all worried about the fate of the dead.  They are dead.  They no longer have a fate to be concerned about.  We aren’t worried about whether they are in heaven or hell.  That is a religious concern and we aren’t religious.  Instead, we focus on how we as survivors are going to cope with our loss and continue on without our loved ones in our lives.  Humanist memorial ceremonies, as a result, are all about the survivors and what they need.  What we need is for people to acknowledge our loss and let us know they care and love us.  Next time you want to know what the non-religious want or need, ask someone who isn’t religious.