How do you trust a spouse that has lies?

Apr 5 2005

Question:

How can you trust someone who’s lied to you repeatedly, and then keeps on doing it?  I’ve lost count of the times my husband has left me for someone else, and then I’ll take him back because he promises it will never happen again – but it always does.  Why do I keep doing this?

Billy Graham’s answer:

Only you can answer that question.  Perhaps you still have hope that your husband will change; perhaps you fear being alone even more then you fear being hurt yet again.  But whatever the reason, the most important thing I can say is that God doesn’t want your marriage to be this way.  God gave marriage to us, and He meant for it to be a source of joy, not heartache.  This is why I urge you to commit your marriage – and your whole life – to Jesus Christ and ask Him to help you rebuild your marriage.

Jen’s response:

Graham is right, only you can answer your last question, and marriage isn’t supposed to be such heartache.  He is wrong is suggesting that you recommit to this marriage.  You already have committed and recommitted to making this work, the real problem is with your husband.

 The answer to your first question is simple.  How do you trust someone who lies to you? You don’t.  If someone has proven themselves to be a liar, you are a fool to trust them at their word.  They have already proven their word is meaningless.  They can say anything they want, it is how they act that you should now judge them.  And, your husband has shown by his behavior that he does not respect you or the marriage.

 Your only decision, which you have obviously been putting off, is do you continue to be a doormat for this jerk, or do you leave and move on.  My advice is to move on.  If he really wanted you and respected you, he would not have jeopardized the relationship at all.  You have put enough time into this relationship, and you should not waste any more time on this loser.  You have better things to do and there are other people who actually will treat you with respect.  Lock the door, move to another town, move back to your parents, make some changes and find things that you enjoy and love to do.  The point is to get yourself into a place where he can’t come back because there simply isn’t room in your life for such sorrow.