Converting Unbelievers

May 24 2005

Question:

I have a friend who says he doesn’t believe in heaven or hell, and that when you die that’s the end.  How can I convince him he’s wrong and that he needs to begin thinking about his eternal destiny?

Billy Graham’s answer:

I’m grateful for your concern for your friend’s spiritual condition.  If we love Christ, how can we be indifferent to the eternal destiny of those who don’t love Him (or even scorn Him).  The first step is to pray for your friend – consistently and fervently.  Only God can open his heart and mind to the truth, and only God can convict him of his sins and his need of Christ.  Pray as well that God will help you be a true friend to him, and that your life will be a living witness to Christ’s love. 

Jen’s response:

(Note – this is a bit of a rant – but it is a sore topic for me)

The only thing I like about Graham’s response is that he says that only God can open someone’s heart.  That is great.  Leave us atheists alone.  Please!!!!  Unfortunately, Graham doesn’t believe this because he goes on to encourage this person to try and convert his friend.  What I really don’t like about his response is that he somehow translates non-belief into not loving God or even worse, scorning him.  This is something that everyone who has ever tried to convert me has done and it is rude and offensive, and doesn't work. 

For the record, you have to believe in something to have an emotional response to it.  The fact that I don’t believe in Odin isn’t because I don’t like him, or am mad at him.  I simply don’t believe such a being exists.  Same thing with the tooth fairy.  I don’t hate the tooth fairy; I just don’t believe she exists.  When I say I don’t believe, I mean that I don’t believe.  It is not that I believe and simply have decided to turn my back on God, or am lying to you in some way.  I really don’t believe such a creature exists.  Sure, some people really do believe and are just angry with God for whatever personal reasons they have, but I am not one of them. I honestly just don’t believe.  

I know that is a hard concept for you believers to grasp but trust me, I don’t.  When you talk about gods and supernatural stuff, you might as well be telling me that there is an invisible flying pig that protects you when driving a car.  It simply doesn’t make any sense to me.  Your belief is as nonsensical to me as my unbelief is to you.  Yet, I still accept that you do believe based on your say so.  Here is the deal; I will give you the respect of accepting that you believe what you say you do, if you will respect me the same way.  When you refuse to accept that I really don’t believe after me telling you 20 times that I really don’t, you are treating me as if I am a liar, and as I am not, I will take offense.  Plus, it is hard to not get testy when you are asked the same stupid question 20 times in a row, with only slight variations.

While we are on the subject, please don’t approach me as if you want to have a friendly conversation when what you really want to do is convert me.  If you do this, you have started out our conversation by lying to me about your intentions and you should not at all be surprised if I get upset at your duplicitous ways.  At that point it is not god I am angry with, it is you for being a liar.  I have had many an enjoyable conversation with people of faith who have become close friends because they were honest with me about their intentions.  So, I assure you, I am capable of having pleasant conversations about faith with people of faith.  But, again, they are honest people who are respect my beliefs even though they believe differently. 

Oh, and another thing.  If you are passing judgment on me as being an unhappy person with no possibility of joy in my life because of an email response to your questions about a legal case involving the 10 commandments, then don’t be so hypocritical to preface those judgments by saying you are not a judgmental person.  It is a lot like a guy who has cheated on his girlfriend trying to convince her that he isn’t the sort of guy who cheats on his girl.  He did, therefore he is.  His protests are more about preserving his image of himself as a good person, then trying to convince her that she wasn’t actually cheated on. Likewise, if you judge someone you don’t know based on superficial information; then you are by definition a judgmental person.  To say otherwise is to be a hypocrite and is more about you wanting to believe you aren’t being a rude a**hole, then it is about trying to convince me that you aren’t actually judging me unfairly.  

And finally, if you are telling me that you believe people are horrible and that the world is going to hell in a hand basket, and that we can’t do anything about it but pray, then you are the one who is the pessimist.  Not believing in gods is not the same thing as being pessimistic.  To quote Camus for a bit, “By what right, moreover, could a Christian … accuse me, for example, of pessimism?  ….  I was not the one who said that man was incapable of saving himself.”[1]  I believe that most of the people in the world are actually quite nice, and that our current problems are temporary and that if we work together we can overcome these obstacles to build a better future.  I am an optimist. A bit cock-eyed perhaps, but better that then the angry pessimism you eschew and call love.  “A pessimistic philosophy is by its essence a philosophy of discouragement, and those who don’t believe that the world is good are therefore said to be willing to serve tyranny.”[2]  And this is exactly what we see today in the Reconstructionist movement.[3]