Humanist Thought of the Week: 9 21 2010
God and Ice Cream
Or why doesn’t god like innocent kids
So, as anyone who has a child knows, that the younger and more innocent a child is, the more likely the ice cream cone you just gave them will end up on the floor.
Leading to the question, why doesn’t god like innocent kids?
Or is it just the ice cream he/she doesn’t like?
After all, even if a Popsicle falls, you can still rinse it off and save it.
Ice cream, once it falls to the floor is unsalvageable.
Here are the possible reasons for this unfortunate phenomenon.
Either god doesn’t like innocent children and likes to see them cry when their ice cream cones fall to the ground.
Or God doesn’t like their parents and is actually punishing the parents through the children.
In which case, he is a jerk for breaking the hearts of innocent children just to punish the parents.
Or, God just doesn’t like ice cream and unfortunately due to the fact older kids and adults have better eye hand coordination he isn’t able to do anything about their ice cream cones and so he has to satisfy his hatred of ice cream through the less coordinated actions of small innocent children.
In which case he is an obsessive jerk who really needs to get over his hatred of ice cream because seriously – he’s making innocent children cry.
Or, he likes both innocent children and ice cream but is powerless to stop the ice cream from falling,
In which case, what good is he.
Or, god doesn’t exist.
I’m just saying.